How did I get here? On my hands and knees fighting through a contraction(or 5 back to back) being told “this is happening now, there is no time, we are doing this now!”

Earlier in the night after I got all set up in my room, my mom took Tanner home while me and Max were planning my sleep over at the hopital. I still felt fine, but i needed to eat and to get my “hospital bag”. This is the second time i didn’t have the perfect hospital bag packed, and ya know what? I survived. Even if it ws skimpy since Max went home to pack it, he brought essentials which i guess is what the bag is meant for? It just goes to show that overplanning and over hyping sometimes is the biggest waste of time, after two preterm baby deliveries I can fully and confidently agree.

I was able to eat some healthy snacks be brought; hard boiled eggies, some mozzarella cheese and whatever else little snacks he found for me to nibble on. He sat in the chair trying to get comfrotable for the night and I knew instanty “this man is not staying here with me.” Not becasue he didn’t want to, but because I knew he would annoy me, but not on purpose. I’d just see him uncomfortable on the chair and I’d be like “go home, why are you here?!” haha. funny looking back. Luckily the hospital is under 5 minutes away from home, so he would be close by either way.

He left around 11, and not long after I started to feel the contractions the machine was telling me I was having. For a few hours, it was once every hour, i’d be slightly passing out then this tidal wave hit me to full consciousness.

This is when the water really started to make itself known. I was wearing those super cute boxer type undies with the pad that is literally 2 feet long. I wonder how that thing even fit in there, but thanks to the very stretchy and large labour approved bottoms i had on, there was lots of room. And thank goodness! I think by 2/3 am, I was soaking through those things every hour.

(this is entering TMI disclosure territory)

With every contraction, I immediately needed to go to the bathroom. I’d have to ring the nurse to help me unplug from the machines and also roll my Iv tower over to the potty. ps. can you tell I have a two year old? Some words I say now are like im only talking to her, but im talking to adults instead. So to the potty I went! My body was in flush everything out mode, and thats what i did. Probably for 3 hours straight until 5 am roughly.

At that point id have contractions on the toilet and i couldnt get up until it was done, oh another one back to back? Ok, ill keep sitting here, riding this wave, but instead of a fun, happy ocean wave, this one was made of fire and gasoline.

The nurse came in to the bathroom to make sure “that you’re not giving birth on the bathroom floor”. Honestly, it felt like i might.

I waddled my way back to the bed knowing it was time to call Max. I’m pretty sure the convo went like this:

“hello?”

“You should come”

*click.*

I was getting past the “I can fight through this discomfort while keeping some composure” to “I’ll do whatever i can and go in any position and breath however the heck i need to in order to ease the pain.” Hands and knees felt good but omg, i was not prepared for the feelings going on between my legs. i dont know why i didn’t consider having so much pressure and pain there. But it was definetly there and no surprise.

Since baby #1 was so easy and comfortable(thank you epidural) but now? No pain meds as of yet.. I was getting through it, and I thought I had time to make that decision.

I secretly wanted Max to witness what real labour looked like, once max got there, he saw me I was like ok, he now knows what i am going through here-I will take the needles now!

The nurse told me “you are 6 cm dilated. Dr guy will be here at 6:05 for epidural and your delivery Doctor (the one from my OB clinic) will be here soon too.” I remember hearing a nurse say that someone was coming in. I piped up and said “is that the epidural guy?” the answer was no. sad.

At this point I was on my side and Max was holding my leg up and I quickly entered full push mode. I wondered why no one was like, getting me ready, it all seemed frantic with a lot of nurses but the Dr was not there. I was fully pushing, and wondering why no one is helping me.. I wasn’t and couldn’t wait. The nurse wanted to see how dilated I was but my contractions werent letting up. She tried once and im pretty sure she said ya i feel the head, I quickly grabbed her hand out of there like i cannot take another thing occupying space in there!

Your body just takes over for you and you are helplessly going along for the ride. With each contration, I unwillingly pushed for my life. Still no Dr and nothing appearing to be ready to catch my baby.

I was on my side for a little while fully thinking I was either pushing out a baby or I was going to “shit on the table”. I told them that too! Like hello, im pushing and yelling and sweating, and I am pretty sure something it going to come out!! I told them to put something under me so i dont “shit on the table” cause i was pretty sure with this amount of down force…it was bound to happen. But luckily from my earlier contractions on the potty, i must have been wiped clean, except for our little boy still lodged somewhere im my birth canal.

Finally I seen the familar face walk in and she instantly directed everyone to “get her on her back and slide down a bit.” She sat down, put on the gloves, and some towels or like a doggie training pad(could have been) under my bottom and said “you can push” (thanks for the permission, but this body isnt waiting for anyone)

It was quick and brutal. A few contractions happening within second of eachother and a couple pushes to bring our little boy into the world.

It was done. I did it.

At 5:55 am, right as the sun was rising.

Cancel the epidural guy, he’s no longer needed.

Next chapter i want to talk about the feeling of being able to “do hard things”. I really didn’t think I could. But secretly i felt like this pregancy and birth I was going to get the full experience. I did not expect this to happen, but maybe it was a lesson for me. That i can handle hard things, i can get through it. Even when there was other options, sometimes the only option ends up being to get through it. Beause you can do hard things and your more stronger then you think you are.