The Next Day Home – March 9

First morning back home, I feel myself slipping back into the old me. The one who wakes up unsure where or who she is. She wants to escape through social media the first thing in the morning and the one who feels a little unsure she belongs here.

I feel my body talking to me all the time. With the anxiousness of discontentment and the uneasiness of being stuck. The question is, how do I honor it and live out my highest purpose?

He said he felt neither of us belonged in the time or space in which we were currently in. Why do I feel that with all my soul. It’s a “made for more” feeling, a feeling of something needed to be different. A feeling of “I need more from life than my current reality.”

I want to be the Shelby from that that foreign country. Why did she feel more at ease? Was it because she was free of her own reality? Even though it was for a short 7 days?

Why does the strong knot in between her chest of “I don’t belong here” linger in her mornings when she wakes up to real life?

What can I do?

I cannot rest.

I cannot settle.

I know I am made for more. I Know I can share my story. I know I can help people. I know I can. I know I can.

I hear the birds chirping. Makes me feel time. Time is passing. Spring is coming. How can I move forward. How can I move forward from here?

Back to life, back to reality.

You’ve affected me in so many ways I can’t even gather. I can’t put my finger on the sensation of having met you and having you in my past as a memory already.

Is this what heart break feels like?

It was surreal. It still doesn’t feel real.

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