We are making it.

Tanner is up on weight. She is eating from a bottle and from me. We are approaching the end of our chapter in Joseph Brant Hospital. I can already feel how it’s going to feel bringing her home and I am already really excited to share our lives together.

So far, she has only known the hospital room. We, together have only shared the hospital room together. life is about to start on the outside for us..

But before all that, let me give you an update on how tanner has been progressing at level 2 NICU care.

It has been over 40 days since she made her early entrance and most of that has been in a hospital about 15 minute drive from the RM house that we have been living in for the past over 40 days. She has made a great journey from where she was to where she is.

As a preterm baby, she has had to overcome some obstacles that would then allow us to leave, mostly the feeding situation but there were other crutches she had to wean off of first as well.

She would have “desats” which meant, she wasn’t breathing right and her oxygen levels would fall. Sometimes she would be able to snap herself out of the episode or the nurses would have to come and intervene. she would just need to wake her up and get her back and alert and focused on breathing again.

One fix they do to help their little heart and lungs is to give them caffeine. She would get it in the tube that runs though her nose and right into her tummy. She got that once a day. It helped a lot until she no longer needed that support. Now she keeps a steady heart rate, oxygen level and respiratory rate on her own. One check mark off the list of things to overcome before she would go through those hospital exit doors.

Up next was the milk. She would spit up after most meals. Their food is obviously a necessity for babies to be able to digest and handle their live source, their milk. However Tanner would struggle with the increase milk volumes.. until she didn’t. Eventually the slow gain of volume and the staff taking extra precaution, she has been able to gain steady weight almost the whole time since she was born. She can handle her now 55 ml of milk each feeding.

A week ago I noticed she would face me whenever I held her. She opened her mouth and put her face against my upper chest area. I asked the nurse if that was a cue of wanting to nurse and she said “oh yes, you can play around with it if she is interested!” I clarified ” like, with my nipple??” lol even thinking about how times have changed for me is funny to think about. I am officially a mom no doubt.

So yes, that evening I tried. And she was eager. So eager that after 10 minutes of intense “going at it” she looked at me, looking drunk and woozy and promptly threw up on my lap. My first throw up fyi. what a exciting time! Even though her tummy wasn’t able to handle the quick feeding it was a great and exciting sign! After 35 days I finally felt what it was like to nurse my baby. it was different, but it was good!

I was oddly surprised at how their tendencies take over, like they know a boob, they know what to do. I dont know what I thought but I was like dang, instincts are so cool to witness, especially in a little 36 week old human.

So that was around a week ago, since then she has gone from one oral feeding ever 12 hours, to 1 oral feeding every 3 to then every other feeding was oral. I believe today she will be tried to be fed every time she cues for the oral feeding. So now it is up to miss Tanner on how quickly she can grasp and handle every meal having to work for it, either by bottle or by boob.

The paediatrician estimated one week.

Holy one week?! not sure what I thought but nesting mode can in hot after that announcement was made. I have to sacrifice time with tanner at the hospital to go back to our actual home and finish prepping it for tanners arrival. organizing, cleaning, redesigning our space, its a process but one I am excited to finally be able to live in.

Finally be able to use her mini crib thats been sitting waiting to be used. To finally fill up her dresser with clothes we’ve gotten this past month. To put all the wonderful gifts in their new home in our home. our place is tight but it is cozy. Being able to share the space, with tanner and max as a family will light up my world and heart so much. We have so much to do and discover together. I love my journey to here, and my future too.

To be continued….