I look at him and i cry. Not every time, but if i stared into his eyes for 10 second i will swell.. Why?

I am not sure.. but i think i know.

The look i get from him, even without him trying tells me all i need to know. He is there for me and we are there for eachother. The eye locking is a way for us to weave ourselves together as one, during this time and all the times moving forward.

i know i have found my match. It feels so good i could cry!

Maybe thats it.

Being in life with someone is special. Having that one person you play through life brings life forward to the full beauty and enjoyment it is supposed to be.

Through this experience, having Max beside me and me beside him has turned us into one superpower. We work together for the same mission and we both fully know, we can get through anything together. Not just get through it, but enjoy it as it happens. To still smile, play, be silly, make jokes, envision the bright future ahead of us, dream, cuddle, support, encourage, and test one another is what makes this chapter in my life, and this story even more hard to believe(sometimes) i just cant believe how i am here, with this amazing human, creating and getting through the journey of creating our own family, together.

He held our daughter for the first time yesterday. We havent seen her eyes open yet, but when she was skin to skin on his chest her eyes opened. Her palms were facing down and i joked that she was shocked and wondering what all this hair was.

That experience in itself just makes my new momma hormones go haywire! I actually needed to pump while their cuddle session was going on. Now i officially cannot hide my excitement anymore, my new boobs will tell all my feelings with the tingling and sometimes uncomfortable fullness that motherhood has brought on.

The changes in both of us new parents is really neat to experience. I feel the natural tendency of the dad coming through to Max. He is rising into our provider and protector and i feel so safe and secure knowing he standing side by side with me every step of the way.

We are currently in the RM house which is across the road from the children’s hospital. i know soon he will go back to work which will be hard but also, it is a part of life we live. the lactating lady that gave me a consultation said a few times that is stuck out to me; she said “there is no free lunch”. She meant it in they way that if you want to make the milk, you better be putting your pumping reps in. note taken! Also for us, that means the reality that Max is needed, and that means from a distance too while he can provide for us.

It’s a hard feeling too i feel the need to bring up. allowing yourself to step into a role that requires so much of you. Its like you have to let go of all you were doing to become the main vein for someone elses life. Motherhood forces that, maybe not forever but for a little while and i think it is a beautiful thing to honour and embrace.

Embrace the fact you are relying on someone else, embrace the fact your new job is to take care of you and the family, embrace the fact that you are here right now and that you can choose to fully love and enjoy that opportunity. Not everyone gets to have that opportunity, so your job is to enjoy it for all that it is.

Enjoy it with the ones that matter. The ones that are beside you and also behind you supporting you as you must face some things on your own. But with the space to allow yourself to be this new version of you.

you must make that space. Enjoy it. Make room for others to enjoy it with you too.

this chapter is dedicated to those who have been put in my world and given us so much love and support and care. You are what the world is about. it is about all of us, doing our role, being who we are meant to and giving us all a space at the same table. most importantly, allow yourself to take a seat.